New Year. New You. Its a seductive headline and at this time of year a lot of us are thinking about transformation and what we’d like to change and achieve in this coming year.
I’m not convinced about the ‘New Year, New You’ line though (and no disrespect to anyone who has used it!) because I’d like to throw another thought into the mix. The thought that the you that you are right now is already good enough.
Saying something like that sounds like I’m doing myself out of a job. Surely, as a life coach I want you to want to achieve more and set goals so that I can work with you to achieve them. Well, yes, but most importantly I want you to set the right goals and you set them from a healthy place.
We live in a world where we are always encouraged to be more, to do more and to get more. The underlying message is that we are not enough and so we must strive to be better. There’s even a name now for the fear of not being perfect; Atelophobia, the fear of imperfection, of never being good enough. Having goals and a purpose to work towards is part of a healthy mindset but so is the belief that our self worth is not dependent on achieving those goals.
We can all fill in the blank of the sentence I am not _______enough. Try it! It won’t be long before you have a mental list of the areas in life you feel you’re not quite making the mark. Imagine for a second that instead of all the not enoughs, the truth is that you are enough. Its the famous Bridget Jones line where Mark Darcy tells Bridget, ‘I like you just as you are.” (sorry if you miss the cultural reference!!)
You’re already enough. What sort of feelings does that stir up in you? Acceptance, disbelief, defensiveness, ridicule? It seems a simple concept yet deep down I think its a hard truth to embrace and live out.
As a life coach, of course I want to help to you achieve your goals and work through life issues with you. I also want to help you on a journey to realising how enough you already are. That realisation allows us to connect better with people, to love better and to achieve more because we begin to believe we are worthy of all of these things.
Here’s an interesting quote I found when I was reading around this subject:
“For me, and many of us, our first waking thought is ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ The next one is, ‘I don’t have enough time.’ Whether true or not that thought ‘not enough’ occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining or worrying about what we don’t have enough of .....”
Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money
I really resonated with what this author was saying so I’m trying a new thing. When I wake up in the morning before all the other thoughts crowd in I’m learning to say:
I am enough for today. Whatever gets done or is left undone I am still enough.
It’s an experiment and I’ll report back at some point on how its going. Do want to join me in giving it a go?